Since our arrival in Missouri we have recognized a huge need for help with victims of domestic violence and low income families, many of which are being raised by single mothers. We are planning to have a housing situation, financial education, and therapy programs as funding becomes available.
Abusers are controllers. They want to control everything you do. They pick your clothes, friends, jobs, and tell you how to behave. As a victim you have no privacy. The abuser reads your mails and listens in on phone conversations. They do not recognize you as a partner in the relationship. They are always right and your opinions are devalued.
Abusers try to isolate their partners. They limit your contact with the outside word, especially the family members and friends you are closest to. Abusers have been known to even lock their victims inside the house. They always have to know where you are and what you are doing.
Abusers have difficulty with communication. They tend to monopolize the conversation and there is no reasoning with them. When they don't get their way, they resort to temper tantrums and violent outrages. Often over something minor.
Abusers love to belittle their victims. Out of their own insecurities they feel better when they are putting you down. There is usually a list, written or mental, of things they do not like about their partner. They spend much time trying to correct these flaws.
Victims of domestic violence slowly begin to lose their self-confidence. Often confident and intelligent women get involved with the wrong person. If someone with a healthy self worth starts to act insecure, abuse could be the reason.
An abused person often declines social invitations because this is easier than being embarrassed. The abuser enjoys humiliating them in public, often making it appear to be a joke. Somehow it strokes their ego to verbally slam their partners in public. Those around them often feel pity for the victim. Just imagine what it is like when no one else is around!
The abuser never takes responsibility for their actions. It is always the victims fault. The abuser justifies their behavior by saying "they made me do it." Eventually the victim starts to believe these lies. They cover-up for the abuser while trying everything possible to make the abuser happy. But nothing is ever enough or good enough. The cycle of abuse just continues.
Partners of an abuser usually feel more like a servant than a husband or wife. It is not talked about as much, but men can also be the victim of domestic violence. The abuser makes all the major decisions and handles the money. The victim feels like a child asking for an allowance.
The abused person often wears long sleeve shirts and has excuses for the cuts and bruises they are unable to hide. They also rearrange their homes frequently and get new furniture frequently. During fits of uncontrolled anger the abuser smashes everything in sight. But studies have shown they do not destroy their own personal property.
Most victims know they are being abused. They don't like the way things are but they don't know how to get out of the relationship. Abuse can range from a hurtful comment to stabbing someone to death. You will know when you are being abused by how it makes you feel about yourself.
Domestic violence is violence between marriage or domestic partners or between family members. Domestic violence is also called intimate partner violence, spousal abuse, partner abuse, and domestic battery. Domestic violence is a criminal offense when it occurs as physical abuse or sexual abuse. Domestic violence also includes emotional abuse, financial abuse or economic abuse, child abuse, pet abuse, using male privilege, isolation, intimidation, and threats. Domestic violence is a method that abusive partners use to control and dominate their victim domestic partner to prevent the partner from being too independent, cheating, or ever leaving them. People who uses domestic violence to control their intimate partners are not capable of maintaining a long-term relationship using healthy interpersonal skills so they use forms of violence to control and keep their partner under their control. Abusers who use violence against their partners do not think about the consequences or ramifications of their actions when angry-their anger is a secondary emotion which is triggered by the primary emotion of fear including fear of loss of control, fear of intimacy, and fear of being abandoned. For this reason, women and children are most likely to be killed when they attempt to temporarily separate or permanently leave their abusers. Women caught in marriages, especially those with children from the abuser, do not choose to stay because of fear or love-these women repeatedly tell victim advocates "you do not understand" because the threat of death or serious bodily harm to themselves, their children, or their loved ones is legitimate when their abuser is in a rage especially one created by the threat of the termination of their relationship. It is very hard to comprehend or understand what domestic violence victims and their children suffer and live with each day-learning how to navigate living with an unpredictable violent person-if you have never been in an actual conflict or situation with a human who is willing to kill you over control, money, or power. Americans will need to band together, city by city, state by state, to change laws to protect victims of abuse and their children if government officials and citizens truly want to create a country where domestic violence victims and their children can safely leave an abuser. Prayers and donations, organization and commercials, are helpful but there are other things that must be done to really help victims of domestic violence.
Domestic Violence Victims Don't Control Their World or the Abuser's Response. Never tell a victim of domestic violence that the violence or her partner's reaction is her fault. There are countless numbers of women who are raped and do not respond violently during an attack - this serves as an example that response is definitely a choice that a person makes. Abusers choose to respond violently-they are not interested in another person's needs or wants, abusers only seek to control and have what they want in using any method needed.
Do not insult a victim's intelligence in regards to getting caught in an abusive relationship. Abusers use the same tactics as predatorial animals or carnivorous plants to attract a victim - abusers use various methods of deception and trapping. Anyone could fall suspect to a psychopathic abuser. Psychopaths are very cunning and very hard to detect, psychopathic abusers can keep their act up for a long time to trap a victim (www.hare.org).
Most Domestic Violence Victims Killed Are Killed Trying to Leave or After Leaving their Abuser. Do not try to force a victim to leave an abuser, especially at the last minute and without very detailed plans. Abusers are typical violent at the drop of a hat or even at the slightest suspicion-domestic violence victims and their children are usually killed while trying to leave or AFTER leaving. Detailed plans will need to include contacting the local authorities and police to notify them of the threats against the life of the victim and her children, consulting an attorney experienced in handling cases involving domestic violence to prevent any laws from being broken that could jeopardize custody of the children (these laws vary vastly according to states - in some states it is illegal for a domestic violence victim to flee across states lines with her children to hide thus making it illegal to safely hide from an abuser), several safe locations for the victim and her children, and a plan to address economic necessities.
Educate yourself on local, state, and national laws regarding domestic violence and child custody laws in domestic violence situation. Understanding your local laws before a loved one, relative, or family member gets trapped in a domestic violence situation and tries to get free.
Ensure that your local city, county, and state has ample domestic violence shelters in undisclosed locations, locations for domestic violence support groups, and other services for victims of domestic violence. If your area is lacking, especially due to the economy, organize drives and grants for domestic violence shelters and support groups.
Donating Items like Cosmetics and Toothbrushes Help Domestic Violence Victims in Shelters Feel More Normal. Gather donations and organize drives to supply the local domestic violence organizations with the supplies that they need. Food, clothing in women's and children's sizes, toothbrushes, deodorant, toothpaste, soaps, shampoo, conditioner, wash clothes, and towels are usually needed at the shelters. Makeup and perfumes, sample sizes are fine, can also help women to rebuild their former self during counseling and therapy at the shelter. Shoes for women and children, as well as books and toys, are also needed at many shelters and domestic violence support groups.
Volunteer or organize a team of volunteers to assist and educate the women and children at the local shelters and in the support groups. If you are a hair stylist, consider donating hair cuts for women and children 1 day per month for victims of domestic violence at the support groups or shelters. If your are an investment manager, consider teaching a free course on budgeting and investing once a month. Sharing math skills, literacy skills, financial skills, life skills, health information, and other life skills are important to help empower the women and children.
Connect local, community, statewide, and national volunteer groups and organization to eradicate domestic violence together. Share methods that work and create a bridge of networks to help make the US and world a safer place for victims of domestic violence, women, and children.
Propose new legislation to help protect victims of domestic violence and their children. Laws vary greatly from state to state. Challenge and change old legislation. Write and email politicians to show your support for eradicating domestic violence.
Share the hotlines for confidential resources with loved ones, friends, family, and coworkers who are or could be potential victims of domestic violence. 24 hours a day, 365 days per week, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.
Don't Turn a Blind Eye and Leave Domestic Violence Victims in the Dark - Change the Laws to Free Them from Abusers. Don't turn a blind eye to domestic violence. Remember 1 in 4 women report being involved in a domestic violence relationship, many more don't report, and 1.3 MILLION women are assaulted physically each year according to (2003) Center of Disease Control and Prevention.